God doesn't give me enough time to squander. However, for now, I still need something badly to kill the fucking time which keeps flowing through the inside and outside. He must be gone. Everything must be gone. I knew it long before I had to face it.

I had to face it, I knew. What I need to forget are not only the details we were enjoying and suffering, but also his image having been engraved on my memory. So I can't...I can't do it.

We will resume. The Robbie in Atonement spoke it out for me.

There is no possibility of writing this passage on. I need a long rest, long enough to forget all about him.